|Friday, March 9th, 2012|
|Long time, no post
I finally got more than five hours sleep for the first time in a couple weeks. That's something I've been struggling with. I've been taking melatonin for it and it usually helps but not recently, like I've developed a tolerance to it. Hopefully I'm getting better.
|Monday, May 10th, 2010|
Happy birthday, Becca. We still love you.
|Saturday, November 8th, 2008|
|"Just a perfect today, drank Heineken in the park""
Actually I had the Heineken before I went to the park. The Heineken Experience rocks. Check it out if you ever come to Amsterdam. In Keeping with Uncle Lou's song, yesterday I went to the zoo. No, I didn't feed the animals. So far everything's been good. One more day and then back home.
|Friday, November 7th, 2008|
|Thursday, November 6th, 2008|
|Hullo from Amsterdam
I got in yesterday. Sorry I didn't check into until now but I was tired. Last time I flew here I got lucky and had an entire row to myself so I was able to stretch out and sleep. This time I wasn't so lucky. Now that I'm rested up and ready to explore the city. It's pretty much how I remember it. When I get home I got to try to find the pictures from the last trip and get them scanned along with whatever pictures I take this time around. And there's no service on my phone here so that idea didn't work. I wasn't sure if it would have anyway. Okay, got to go. Have a good day,
|Thursday, October 30th, 2008|
|why did she ask me that?
A couple days ago my mom asked me who I was voting for. I froze and said I wasn't sure. My parents are Obama haters so I couldn't tell them. She also said that she wasn't sure if Nader will be on the ticket in Delaware. They probably would prefer I voted for Nader again because they think he's the Socialist who can't win while Brother Hussain is the Socialist who can win. I think I was on the fence on who to vote for until McCain chose the clueless soccer mom. I was leaning to Brother Hussain anyway but that pushed me over the edge. I don't know why Mom asked me that since she probably didn't want to know the answer. Why not ask me if I'm looking at porn while you're at it? Sheesh.
|Wednesday, October 29th, 2008|
When did being ignorant and afraid of anything different mean you were a "real American"? Obama's probably going to end up being killed by a "real American" if he becomes President. If that occurs the blood will be on Fox News and talk radio's hands because they got all the "real Americans" scared and angry that a Commie Muslim is going to be in the White House. Maybe when Brother Hussein becomes President I'll get tattoos of the hammer and sickle and a Islamic Star and Crescent in his honor. And maybe I'm just being a smartass yanking your chain. I'll leave that up to you to decide what I am. I probably shouldn't joke about that sort of thing in this poisonous atmosphere. I could end up getting lynched by some "real Americans".
|Sunday, October 26th, 2008|
|Wednesday, October 15th, 2008|
The book that is. All this time and now it's done. It feels like a hollow victory though. It's like the book's done but my friend's dead so who gives a fuck about the book? I think that writer's block I've been dealing with all this time was fear of finishing it because once it's done that means it's time for me to be told how worthless it is and how worthless I am and I'll have to go back to on-line publishing again, which seems like a dead end.
Sorry if the post is a jumble. My thoughts are all over the place now. I should be happy but how can I be? Like I said to Naama yesterday, I can't let things go. That's always been a problem of mine. I hold on to things until they fester. I guess time is the only thing that helps.
|Tuesday, October 14th, 2008|
I'm going to drive myself crazy looking for patterns that probably aren't there. Isn't that what obsessive-compulsives do? Even if I was right and there is some weird pattern to everything that's happened, what can I do about it? It's not like I can change what happened.
|Monday, October 13th, 2008|
|Something just hit me
A couple months ago this writer's block I've been dealing with for a long time seemed to have just disappeared. Is that when things started going bad for Becca? I can imagine God playing a cruel joke like that since Becca loved the first two books and was always asking me about the new book whenever I'd visit her. If given the choice I'd struggle with writer's block for the rest of my life and not finish the book if it meant Becca was still alive. Fuck, I'd erase the manuscript file right now and never write a single word again if it would bring her back. The world wouldn't miss it if I stopped writing. I know, Becca would want me to finish the book and I'd be doing her memory a disservice by not finishing it. Maybe now I have more motivation than ever to see this through, even though I didn't really need it and didn't ask for the extra motivation.
|Sunday, October 12th, 2008|
Last night at work I listened to some Garbage cds for the first time in forever and thought about the time we went to Street Scene. Friday I told Val that I was starting to feel better but later that night at work I had a little bit of a freakout. I also told her the first couple days I spent most of my time in my room listening to Lou Reed cds. When it comes to bummer music Uncle Lou's the king. The thing that sucks is that I've had to work since Becca died. I didn't reall y feel like working but I did. I'm off tonight. Maybe I'll go out and have my own wake.
|Friday, October 10th, 2008|
I'm not as psycho as I've been the past couple days. There was so much shit coming at me at the same time. I still have the feeling that I should have finished the new book before now. I'll probably have that feeling for a while.
|Thursday, October 9th, 2008|
|one way or another everyone leaves me
After what happened with Becca I got another kick in the balls. I called my friend Kristen later that day. I hadn't heard from her in a few months. The last time I saw her and her fiance they were pretty much split up so I wasn't too surprised when she told me it was over with them. I'm not sure of the whole details but apparently they had this big blow up and now she's living with an old friend up in Syracuse, New York. Now I don't have anyone here to hang out with. Isn't that fucking funny? Aren't your ribs hurting from laughing? If there is a God it must be gasping for air for laughing so hard at my situation. And you wonder why I don't believe in that bullshit anymore. It would have ben nice if Kristen told me she was leaving before she did. Fuck, that one chick who thought Delaware was a horrible place to live at least gave me a heads-up before she bailed(But that one time we hung out together was the best memory she has of Delaware. Whoopity-fucking-doo).
I was so fucking close to finishing the new book. I have this one last part to finish and that would probably be it. Maybe this could have been the one that I could have made my name with. Becca loved the first two books and now she'll never see this one or any possible others.
|Wednesday, October 8th, 2008|
|It's a celebration, bitches. Enjoy yourselves
After a month of working six days a week I finally got two day off for the past couple days. Woot! I came up with a new drink to celebrate. It's milk and Bailey's Irish Cream. I call it the White Irishman. Try it sometime. It rocks.
I was watching Superbad earlier. I'm so like Micheal Cera. I do the awakward pauses and stammering thing too.
Guess that's all I have to say. Sometimes I'm random but randomness rocks.
|Sunday, October 5th, 2008|
|Since Naama rocks I stole this from her. The Controversial Survery
1) Do you have the guts to answer these questions and re-post as the Controversial Survey? Sure
2) Would you do meth if it was legal? I hear meth fucks up your teeth and I have a phobia about shit that can fuck up your teeth so no.
3) Abortion: For or against it? It's not my choice so I'd stay out of it, which I think all men should do.
4) Do you think the world will fail with a female US President? Things like race and gender don't have anything to do with if a President is good or bad. It's the person themselves. I think Sarah Palin would be a disaster if she got in because she's a clueless soccer mom and a Jebus freak. Religious people don't think clearly. It's all "Christ this" and "God that". Fuck that bullshit. I'm not a fan of Hilary Clinton as a person but at least she might be okay as a President because she would know what she was doing. She was probably running the country while Bill was getting blown by the chubby chick.
5) Do you believe in the death penalty? In certain cases.
6) Do you wish marijuana would be legalized already? Yes. To paraphrase The Verve, the drug laws don't work. People do it anyway so make it legal and tax it. It's bullshit that people who use or smoke pot do more jail time than child molesters.
7) Are you for or against premarital sex? For
8) Do you believe in God? I was a good Catholic for a long time but after a while I lost the feeling. If there is a God we're not on speaking terms. I don't know if I should be bothered by that or not. Ah, fuck it.
9) Do you think same sex marriages should be legalized? Sure
10) Do you think it's wrong that so many immigrants are moving into the country? I never really thought about the whole immigration thing. It seems like it's being used by the Republicans to scare Whitey into thinking they're going to lose their jobs to brown-skinned illegals who'll work for cheaper wages.
11) A twelve year old girl had a baby. Should she keep it? No
12) Should the alcohol age be increased to 21? It is in America.
13) Should the war in Iraq be called off? It shouldn't have been started in the first place. America should have stabilized Afghanistan first but Junior wanted to impress Daddy and Cheney wanted the oil. Saddam was a snake but he wasn't the one who crashed the planes into the Towers.
14) Assisted suicide is illegal. Do you agree? No
15) Do you believe in spanking your children? I'm not sure. I guess we'll have to wait and see about that one.
16) Would you burn your countries' flag for a million dollars? I'd burn every flag in the world for the right price. I don't care.
17) Who do you think would make a better US President? McCain or Obama? Obama, just because after eight years of Bush, do we need someone who voted in favor of his policies 85%-90% of the time? Maverick, my ass.
18) What is the biggest problem with society that needs to be dealt with? The lack of attention being paid to what's going on. I think that's changing but only because the empire's burning to the ground. No one really cared when things were going well. They were too busy paying attention to shit like Paris Hilton's night vision porn while the Wall Street fuckos were ruining it for everyone else. In the local paper recently some moron in the Opinion section was whining that the government bailout means America's one step closer to Socialism. Well, the assholes in the Banking and Financial industries showed that they couldn't be trusted to run a fucking lemonade stand, let alone the stock market and the banks and now the government has to step in. Who's fault is that?
19) Are you afraid others will judge you from reading some of your answers? No one pays attention to anything I say anyway so who gives a fuck? "Nobody could see him, nobody can ever hear him call". Another Britpop reference?
|Friday, October 3rd, 2008|
|Thursday, September 25th, 2008|
Looking back at last night's post it sounds like I hate my parents, doesn't it? I don't. It's just that I don't get their way of thinking. They still think in Cold War terms, like Socalism=Communism and both are evil. Like Capitalism is so fucking wonderful. This country's being run into the ground by a bunch of Wall Street Gordon Gekko Patrick Bateman American Psycho wannabes and people like my parents will gladly take all the bullshit those wankers in the Brooks Brothers suits will hand out because that's what they know and were brought up to believe in and they can't see that that way has totally been corrupted. Not that things will change all that much if Obama gets in, even if he doesn't get wacked.
|Wednesday, September 24th, 2008|
I'm thinking about heading back to Amsterdam in November on the day of the election. I don't know what will be worse, hanging around my parents if things don't go their way or hanging around them if that dang commie Obama loses. They'll probably be insufferable either way so I figure to get away from them for a few days. Maybe if McCain and Dan Quayle with tits win. I'll apply for citizenship there. I know I usually go out to California at that time but I think I'll skip this year. It gets harder to leave when I'm out there. I think the next time I go out there it will be for good. Plus I figure I'd give Becca a break. She has more important things to do with classes and hopefully the new kidney is starting to take.
|Thursday, September 18th, 2008|
|New Garbage song
Sounds like the compilation is only going to be availible at Urban Outfiters in America. I'm sure it will pop up on-line too. Plus I've heard the soundtrack to the Terminator show will be out in October so that means mo Shirley, mo Shirley, mo Shirley. Who could say no to that? :)
And for some more good news on a personal note, I finally figured out the last piece of the puzzle for the new book. I finished the first draft about a month ago but I felt like there was something missing to it. It took me a while to figure it out. Quite a few times when writing this book I was starting to worry that I was losing my writing mojo but just when things looked bleak it comes back. I'll admit this was the hardest one yet. The last two before this one were pretty easy to write. This one didn't want to be easy. The fucker nearly killed me. There were times when I felt like quiting. Wouldn't it be funny if the book that almost broke my will to write turned out to be the one that makes my name? I guess we'll see in the next few months.